Lewis, Nelly Custis

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Lewis, Nelly Custis

Born March 2, 1779 (Alexandria, Virginia)

Died July 15, 1852 (Shenandoah Valley, Virginia)

First family member

Eleanor Parke Custis and her brother George Washington Parke Custis (1781–1857; see box) were the grandchildren of Martha Washington (1732–1802; see entry in volume 2) and the step-grandchildren of the first U.S. president, George Washington (1732–1799; served 1789–97; see entry in volume 2). Eleanor, known as Nelly, and little George, known as Wash, became the first children to live in a U.S. presidential mansion.

After Nelly and Wash's father died, George and Martha reached an agreement with the children's mother, Eleanor Calvert Custis (1757–1811), to raise both youngsters as their own. Nelly had just turned ten years old when she and Wash traveled with Martha to New York City, the nation's temporary capital, to join newly inaugurated President Washington. Nelly grew to womanhood during Washington's eight-year presidency. Martha, Nelly, and Wash had to forge their own path, because no guidelines existed on the role of the presidential family.

"Granddaughter of Mrs. And adopted daughter of General Washington, reared under the roof of the Father of his Country. This lady was not more remarkable for the beauty of her person, than for the superiority of her mind. She lived to be admired. . . ."

Gravesite inscription of Nelly Custis Lewis

Nelly was a very intelligent, high-spirited, strong-willed, and personable preteen and teenager. First in New York City and then in Philadelphia, where the seat of government was moved in 1790, Nelly thrived. She received an extensive education, which was highly unusual for a girl of the late eighteenth century. New York and Philadelphia also provided an endless array of activities, entertainment, and parties, and Nelly relished every moment. During the 1790s, she became the teenage darling of America. Nelly later referred to this period as her "golden years."

The Washingtons left Philadelphia in March 1797 at the end of George's presidency to resume private life at their plantation, Mount Vernon, south of Alexandria, Virginia. Two years later, Nelly married and soon was caught up in motherhood, giving birth eight times between 1799 and 1813. Nelly would bury seven of her eight children before her own death. Besides motherhood, Nelly's chief role was managing her Virginia plantation house, Woodlawn, where she lived with and dutifully cared for a constantly ailing husband, Lawrence Lewis (1767–1839).

After her early "celebrity" years as America's best-known teenager, Nelly became a dissatisfied plantation matron; she felt trapped in rural Virginia. Nelly's life illustrates how even for the most privileged eighteenth- and nineteenth-century women, opportunities were very limited. The most a well-educated woman could hope for was to show off her skills by running an efficient home and raising many children. During the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the lives of women, whether wealthy or poor, were dominated by births and deaths, marriage and duty to husband, rearing and burying their children, nursing family members through illnesses, the rhythms of the farming cycle, and religion. A woman's first and only duty was to her family, whose needs she placed above any personal desires of her own.

Eighteenth-century families were large and complicated, often with many half brothers, half sisters, nieces, nephews, cousins, and stepchildren, and often living in one household. Because medicine had not yet advanced, earlier and more frequent deaths were common. Remarriages—and the combining of families of two widowed parents—occurred regularly. Further, people often took in the children of relatives who had died, whether they were orphans or had lost only one parent. When Nelly and Wash remained with their grandparents, the situation was not out of the ordinary.

Sixty years of letters

A full picture of Nelly's life emerges from her nearly sixty years of correspondence with Elizabeth Bordley Gibson (1777–1863), whom she met in Philadelphia when she was twelve years old. Their friendship remained steadfast throughout their lives. Gibson, who lived in Philadelphia her entire life, kept virtually all the letters Nelly wrote to her between 1794 and 1852. The 189 original letters are housed at the Mount Vernon Library.

Nelly's letters describe her devotion to her grandparents and the closeness of the Washington household. Through Nelly's eyes, readers see George and Martha not as historic founders of the country, but as doting, loving grandparents who worried, gave advice, and, like all grandparents, were eager to see their grandchildren make the most of their lives. For example, in the fall of 1795, Nelly was to leave Martha and George and live with her mother for several months through the winter. Nelly wrote the following words in a letter to Gibson, as reprinted in Nelly Custis: Child of Mount Vernon, about her leaving the Washingtons: "I have gone through the greatest trial—this is the first separation for any time since I was two years old. Since my father's death she [Martha] has been even more than a Mothertome, and the President the most affectionate of Fathers. I love them more than any one—You can guess then how severely I must feel this parting, even for a short time." The letters also reflect Nelly's changing life and her views. Together, they are a study of a Southern plantation woman's role and place in society.

Toddler Nelly remains at Mount Vernon

Nelly Custis was born on March 2, 1779, the third child of John Parke Custis (1754–1781), known as Jacky, and his wife Eleanor Calvert Custis. Jacky was Martha Washington's son from her first marriage. She was born on the Abington Plantation in Alexandria, Virginia. Nelly had two older sisters: Elizabeth Parke Custis (1776–1832), known as Eliza and sometimes Betsy, and Martha Parke Custis (1777–1854), known as Patsy. Their mother suffered greatly during her pregnancies (she would experience twenty in her lifetime) and was too ill to care for the infant Nelly. Nelly's grandmother, Martha Washington, took her to Mount Vernon, where she was nursed by the wife of the plantation's over-seer (manager). Likewise, when Wash was born in the spring of 1781, he went to live at Mount Vernon while his mother regained her health.

The Custis children had been born during the American Revolution (1775–83), America's war to gain independence from Britain. In the fall of 1781, the British surrendered to the Americans. Jacky Custis, the children's father, accompanied General George Washington, commander of America's Continental Army, to Yorktown, Virginia, where the surrender took place on October 19, 1781. At Yorktown, Jacky came down with camp fever and died in November. Left a widow at the age of twenty-four, Eleanor Custis had four children under the age of five. She was in no condition to care for the four children, so Nelly and Wash remained at Mount Vernon. George and Martha agreed to raise them as their own. Although there was never a formal adoption, the family viewed the arrangement as an adoption. Eliza and Patty remained with their mother. Eleanor, Eliza, and Patty visited Mount Vernon often, and Nelly and Wash knew Eleanor as "mother." They always referred to George and Martha as "grandpapa" and "grandmama."

Early childhood years

From Christmas Eve 1783 until the spring of 1789, George, Martha, Nelly, and Wash lived at Mount Vernon. The family led a busy life amid the constant activities required to run a plantation and entertain a steady stream of important visitors anxious to visit with the famous general.

Martha saw to it that Nelly received an excellent education in her early childhood years. Nelly was tutored privately and learned to read and enjoy poetry and literature. (Only 30 percent of Virginia women of the late eighteenth century could read.) Martha began to teach Nelly how to manage a large household, vital instruction for any young woman who might marry a plantation owner.

Grandpapa becomes first U.S. president

On April 14, 1789, Nelly's grandpapa was informed that electors had unanimously chosen him to be the first president of the United States. George left for New York City on April 16. On May 16, Martha, Nelly, and Wash followed. Neither child had ever traveled more than a few miles from Mount Vernon. Ten-year-old Nelly was amazed how people cheered for them along the way and how much people loved her grandpapa.

George Washington Parke Custis

Born in 1781, George Washington "Wash" Parke Custis was the fourth child of John "Jacky" Parke Custis and Eleanor Calvert Custis. Jacky was Martha Washington's son by her first marriage, and Wash was her grandson. When Jacky died suddenly in November 1781, Martha and George Washington took responsibility for raising Wash and his older sister, Nelly Custis.

For the first eight years of his life, Wash lived at Mount Vernon. Then, while his step-grandfather was president of the United States, Wash lived in the presidential mansion, first in New York City and then in Philadelphia. Fussed over and spoiled by Martha, Wash was an inattentive student. President Washington lamented that Wash was only interested in activities that brought him fun and pleasure. In 1795, President Washington enrolled him at Princeton College, but in October 1797, Wash was expelled for misconduct, most likely involving girls. The president battled on to educate Wash, enrolling him at St. John's College in Annapolis, Maryland. However, on August 5, 1798, the seventeen-year-old Wash returned home to Mount Vernon, and attempts to formally educate him ended.

George and Martha did not live to see Wash's many accomplishments. In 1802, Wash began building Arlington House on the old Custis property that he inherited from his natural grandfather, Daniel Parke Custis (1711–1757). The property was located along the Potomac River across from the nation's new capital city, Washington. Wash hoped the mansion would be not only his home but a memorial to his step-grandfather and grandmother.

Wash considered himself keeper of the Washington family tradition, and he filled Arlington House with memorabilia from Mount Vernon. He never tired of showing Arlington and its collections to many prominent visitors. He held events and celebrations to commemorate his family's accomplishments. Wash also wrote Recollections andPrivate Memoirs of Washington, which was published in book form in 1860, three years after his death.

Wash married sixteen-year-old Mary Lee Fitzhugh (1788–1853) in 1804. The couple had four children, but only one survived, Mary Anna Randolph (1808–1873).

Wash tried to manage the estates he inherited, but he never succeeded in making them profitable. Instead, he most enjoyed the arts and became a fine playwright. When Wash was a youngster, Martha and George had taken him and Nelly to many plays in New York City and Philadelphia. Wash and Nelly staged their own plays in the attic of the president's mansion in Philadelphia. These experiences provided the education that stayed with Wash. He wrote several plays: The Indian Prophecy (1827), Pocahontas (1830), and The Railroad (1830). Wash also enjoyed painting and in his later years painted a number of battle scenes from the American Revolution.

In 1831, Wash's daughter married Lieutenant Robert E. Lee (1807–1870) at Arlington. Lee would later lead the Confederate army in the American Civil War (1861–65). Mary Anna and Robert lived at Arlington, and Wash was a loving grandfather to their seven children. Wash died at Arlington after a short illness on October 10, 1857. Arlington House became part of the Arlington National Cemetery.

Life for Nelly changed from the slow daily rhythm of plantation activities to the excitement of city events. The presidential home on Cherry Street was the finest in New York. Nelly immediately relished the attention given her as the president's granddaughter. Martha enrolled Nelly in a well-known school run by Isabella Graham at Five Maiden Lane. Nelly's subjects included reading and writing, spelling and grammar, arithmetic, geography, and French. In addition, Madam Graham's curriculum included sewing, embroidery, drawing, music, and dancing. Nelly excelled in her studies, as she would throughout her school years. Martha gave her private lessons in piano and painting. Martha also instructed Nelly in proper religious observances. Each evening throughout Nelly's teen years, a favorite time was just before bed when she joined her grandmama in her bedchamber for devotions, Bible reading, prayer, and song.

Move to Philadelphia

Soon, the U.S. Congress decided to move the nation's capital to the city of Philadelphia. It would be the nation's temporary capital through the 1790s. After a fall visit to Mount Vernon, the Washingtons left for Philadelphia on November 22, 1790. Philadelphia was the most exciting city in America. It was full of wealthy, highly educated, sophisticated individuals who were active in the city's social life. Prominent residents held elegant parties and balls. Martha allowed eleven-year-old Nelly to begin attending many parties. Nelly enjoyed being the center of attention. She was a vibrant, high-spirited young girl who instantly became a favorite of Philadelphia society.

George, Martha, Nelly, and Wash enjoyed family outings and activities together. On Saturdays, they usually took a ride around the city in their coach. Nelly generally brought along her pet, a green parrot that she was teaching to sing in French. Martha and Nelly shopped together in Philadelphia's fine shops. All four Washingtons also enjoyed theater and went to plays regularly. On Sunday, they attended Christ Church on Second and Market Streets.

When she was twelve, Nelly met Elizabeth Bordley, the daughter of a wealthy Philadelphian named John Beale Bordley. Elizabeth loved theater as much as Nelly did. The two girls, along with Wash, often spent Saturdays staging plays in the attic of the president's mansion. Nelly and Elizabeth became lifelong friends.

A cherished granddaughter

George and Martha both cherished Nelly. She was a constant joy for them. Nelly made both grandparents laugh with her lively talk and antics. President Washington bought a fine London-made harpsichord (a musical instrument similar to a piano) for Nelly in December 1793. Nelly loved music, but Martha made her practice many long hours, creating some tearful sessions. The practice paid off. Nelly learned to play beautifully and entertained not only the president and first lady but many of their important guests.

A beauty with dark curly hair and large dark eyes, Nelly had become a polished young woman by the age of fifteen. Suitors were plentiful, but Nelly was careful not to commit to any young man. The president had cautioned his granddaughter to be sure she had knowledge of a man's character before falling in love. Nelly adhered to her grandpapa's advice.

Return to private life

George, Martha, Nelly, and Wash returned permanently to Mount Vernon in March 1797 at the end of Washington's second term. Just before her eighteenth birthday, Nelly tearfully said goodbye to her close friend Elizabeth Bordley Gibson, gathered her parrot and dog, Frisk, and joined the Washingtons for their journey home.

Nelly took the same upstairs corner room she had occupied as a child and was pleased to settle back into Mount Vernon with her grandparents. She helped Martha manage the house; constant companions, grandmother and granddaughter spent many happy hours together. The usual stream of visitors came to Mount Vernon, and Nelly delighted all by playing her harpsichord in the evening.

Although a number of would-be suitors came to Mount Vernon hoping to court Nelly, she remained determined to give her affections to no one but her grandparents. She playfully began signing her letters to Gibson as "E. P. Custis Spinster for life." A spinster is a woman who never marries.

Marriage, birth, death

Nelly did not remain true to spinsterhood for long. In the winter of 1797–98, George brought his nephew, Lawrence Lewis, to Mount Vernon to help entertain the many guests who came to visit. Lewis was twelve years older than Nelly and very reserved. However, he was captivated by Nelly's charm, and they soon fell in love. In Lewis, Nelly saw a man who would not take her away from her grandparents. He had no desire to move from rural Virginia. They married by candlelight at Mount Vernon on February 22, 1799, George's sixty-seventh birthday.

Nelly and Lawrence's first child, Frances Parke Lewis, was born at Mount Vernon on November 27, 1799. Only three weeks later, on the evening of December 14, 1799, Nelly's beloved grandpapa died suddenly from an infected throat. When the former president died, Nelly ceased writing her letters to Gibson for a long time.

Nelly watched her once happy existence disintegrate around her. Martha passed away a few years later on May 22, 1802. Martha had lived long enough to know her second great-grandchild, Martha Betty, born to Nelly and Lawrence in 1801. At the time of her grandmother's death, both of Nelly's daughters had the measles. Frances recovered, but one-year-old Martha Betty died in June. Nelly gave birth to her first son, Lawrence Fielding, in 1802, but he died immediately after his birth.

Woodlawn

Nelly resumed writing to Gibson in December 1804. By then, the Lewises had moved into the not-yet-finished Woodlawn Plantation. They were constructing their beautiful redbrick home on acreage George had given Nelly; the land was adjacent to Mount Vernon. Nelly ran Woodlawn with the good management skills Martha had taught her. However, Lawrence did not have the motivation or energy that Nelly had expected in a husband. He planted the land because it was expected but made no effort to profitably manage and develop the plantation. As a result, the Lewises were short of money most of their married life. Lawrence also suffered from very poor health and would spend months at a time in bed. Nelly dutifully nursed him but looked with longing to her past, when she had happily lived with George and Martha.

Nelly's first child born at Woodlawn was Lorenzo (1803–1847), who arrived on November 13, 1803. Lorenzo was the only one of Nelly's sons who would live into adulthood. Between Lorenzo's birth and 1813, Nelly had four more children. Eleanor Agnes Freire (1805–1820) died suddenly while at school in Philadelphia in 1820. Fielding Augustine (1807–1809) lived one year and seven months. George Washington Custis (1810–1811) lived only one year and nine months. Nelly and Lawrence's last child, Mary Eliza Angela (1813–1839), lived into adulthood but died at the age of twenty-six.

Because of Lawrence's chronic bad health, Nelly made almost all the child-rearing decisions for their family. Like other nineteenth-century mothers, Nelly found her greatest joy and comfort in her children. She existed now only to care for her surviving children: Frances Parke, Lorenzo, Eleanor Agnes, and Mary Eliza Angela. She did enjoy her housekeeping duties and loved to read biographies and books on history and travel.

Frances Parke married army officer Lieutenant Edward George Washington Butler at Woodlawn in 1826 and eventually settled on a sugarcane plantation in I berville Parish, Louisiana. For the rest of her life, Nelly hated the hot-tempered and abusive Butler. In 1827, Lorenzo married Esther Maria Coxe, the kind and loving daughter of a Philadelphia doctor. They settled on Audley Plantation in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. Mary Eliza Angela married Charles Magill Conrad, a New Orleans lawyer and son of a wealthy Louisiana planter, in 1835. She died shortly after giving birth in 1839. Nelly's husband also died in 1839, and she went to live with Lorenzo and Esther.

A grandmother

Nelly became a doting grandmother to Lorenzo and Esther's six sons, all of whom lived to adulthood. Likewise, she dearly loved the two Conrad boys, who visited often, and the three Butler children who came east for schooling. Although Nelly's last years at Audley Plantation were generally happy, they were saddened by the sale of Woodlawn in 1846, the death of Lorenzo in 1847, and the inability of Frances Parke, her only living child, to visit from distant Louisiana.

Nelly continued to correspond with Elizabeth Bordley Gibson even in old age. Nelly suffered a stroke in 1850 but was able to continue writing, reading, and enjoying guests. Carefully cared for by Esther, she often reminisced about her "golden years." Nelly enjoyed political discussion and believed only two presidents had been good successors to President Washington: Andrew Jackson (1767–1845; served 1829–37; see entry in volume 1) and Zachary Taylor (1784–1850; served 1849–50). Nelly had visited the White House for two weeks in 1849 as a guest of President Taylor and his wife.

Nelly died at Audley Plantation on July 15, 1852. Her body was taken to Mount Vernon to be buried near the Washingtons. She was at last reunited with her grandmama and grandpapa.

For More Information

Books

Brady, Patricia, ed. George Washington's Beautiful Nelly: The Letters of Eleanor Parke Custis Lewis to Elizabeth Bordley Gibson, 1794–1851. Columbia: University of South Carolina Press, 1991.

Bryan, Helen. Martha Washington: First Lady of Liberty. New York: Wiley, 2002.

Ribblett, David L. Nelly Custis: Child of Mount Vernon. Mount Vernon, VA: Mount Vernon Ladies' Association, 1993.

Schmit, Patricia B. Nelly Custis Lewis's Housekeeping Book. New Orleans, LA: The Historic New Orleans Collection, 1982.